Meh. Happy Canada Day.

I got home earlier this week and was really glad to be back in my own space. Installed my a/c for the summer, got my deck/yard spruced up. British Columbia is nearly ready to burn up by spontaneous combustion. We have had a record-dry spring and super high record heat. The a/c HAD TO be installed ! I busied myself for days but now I am BORED out of my freaking mind and off all meds.  That is NOT a good combo.

I’ve always been an introvert. I have always LOVED my alone time. I have never needed more people contact than say what I got through work or an occasional event.  Sometimes people even annoy me when I know they are just trying to be nice. Right now for some reason I am incredibly lonely much of the time. Holidays I guess have bothered me in the past so maybe that is my issue this week 😦

Over this past 6 mths I have lost my support network. My friend upstairs died and 2 of my gal-pals that I actually did stuff with sometimes got new boyfriends and pretty much disappeared.  I also realized that a couple others are friends only when they are getting something out of it ( eg: I have something to gift them so they come get it or they want me to look after their pet ) I’m not really down with that sort of 1-way deal so I am not going there. I have a couple newer male friends. 1 way younger than me and the other older. I spend most of my time fighting off their sexual advances and explaining to them I am not interested in more than their friendship ( why does that in man mind = a challenge? lol)

Totally in a bind as to what to do about this lonely issue. I’m in a mental space where I would love to go watch the Canada Day parade, walk around the markets and catch the fireworks tonight but doing so alone is not appealing AT ALL.  So like most holidays I will sit home alone sulking grrr.  Wish my neighbor was home because he loved it last year but he is visiting family in Alberta right now.

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About Bemused

Adult onset rapid cycling Bipolar II, PTSD, Agoraphobic, Social anxiety disorder...triggered by a Trauma in 2010. I am also estranged from my immediate family. Complete Dog-Nerd.
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One Response to Meh. Happy Canada Day.

  1. I feel for you. My social circle is much the same – one girl friend and one boy friend, both older than me. I don’t do stuff with them on weekends except to visit. I totally understand how awkward and horrible it is to go places on your own. Like you, I rather stay at home. I find my hobbies keep me busy – reading, eating chocolate, watching tv, eating chocolate, sewing, eating chocolate, scrapbooking……. you get the idea. Knit a blanket, learn how to crochet, research your family tree. As you get absorbed in something you enjoy, lonely will cease to exist. Let me know how you go

    Liked by 1 person

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