Seeing diagnosis in writing

I finally got the call to go pick up the shrinks sections of my disability forms. His wife/partner was quite proud of how detailed he was in filling out the forms ( THANK GAWD). Hopefully in addition to my novel we will not be denied and start again 😦

I was a little set aback on the medical terms and seeing my diagnosis after all this time there on these forms that will for the rest of all time be either my survival or downfall. Any gov or medical staffer will have access to this info 😦  That scares me given the stigmas attached.

DSM5 Panic Disorder 300.01 progressive since 2010
DSM5 Agoraphobia 300.22 progressive since 2010
DSM5 Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( Chronic) since 2010
DSM5 Other specific bipolar disorder 296.89 which he notes I likely had all my life but was severely triggered in 2010

And there is the label. FUCK.

I have been given the disability paperwork several times. I have been steered to it by advocates and doctors. I never followed up with it at all. My shrink says this is the part that I am avoiding. The THIS IS IT part that I will have to live with.

I’m going to complete it this time even though it has taken 6+ mths already. I have just a wee bit of work left to put into it and that will be that. I HAVE TO. I am not getting better and need more supports if I am ever to get better.

Oh and before I go just a quick Buspirone update! RIGHT after my last post saying all was well I got a mother-effer of a migraine which eased over a few days. Next dose increase it happened again but also eased off so looks like increases will give me a migraine temp which is OK as long as I know it will go away 🙂

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About Bemused

Adult onset rapid cycling Bipolar II, PTSD, Agoraphobic, Social anxiety disorder...triggered by a Trauma in 2010. I am also estranged from my immediate family. Complete Dog-Nerd.
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