About

Bemused By Beleaguering is to be my journey in healing.

Bemuse: To cause to be bewildered, preoccupied, confused. So lost in thought as to be unaware of one’s surroundings.

Beleaguer: To exhaust with attacks, to overburden with troubles, to mentally beset from all sides persistently

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I came up with this blog name because this is how I feel….never even saw it coming, all the deceit, backstabbing, meddling, complete chaos caused by those I once loved and trusted. My entire NORMAL life spiraled completely out of control.  Truly it was like watching an Epic Soap-Opera.

Me well…Prior to Nov 2009 I ran a business with crew of up to 10 employees without a problem and had done so daily for 13 years.  During that same period I had a min of 4 to 10 rescue dogs at my home to care for plus several long term volunteer positions including working in a Lock-Down dementia ward with one of my dogs doing Therapy work. I’ve always been considered bright, witty, knowledgeable, talented, definitely no fool.

Now I can’t recall where I parked my vehicle, what my debit card password is and sometimes I can’t get into my own computer.  My post trauma memory is a disaster area and I can not retain most information. I have a terrible time with panic attacks brought on by contact with strangers, knocks on doors, vehicles that might pull in the driveway and such minor events.

I am estranged completely from my entire immediate family since August 2010 since they took part in destroying me.  Pretty much I am alone in the world.

 I’m  an involuntary empath (have been since I was a child) which didn’t used to but now does complicate matters sometimes.  I don’t have the ability to control my empathy at will and it doesn’t normally happen with people but happens with objects, animals and media.  I do fortunately have the ability to “unload” feelings that do not belong to me but without the control of when or how it is projected onto me.

That’s enough “About” for now. I’m sure I will revise this section as I go and touch on some of these subjects more thoroughly in my posts.

Bemused

15 Responses to About

  1. alwaysjan says:

    I love it when I stumble upon a new blog. Be sure to add tags as that’s how many people find their way to your virtual doorstep. I remember when I first had 17 “hits.” I felt so vulnerable writing about my personal life and having people half-way around the world comment. My blog began as a journey to heal though it took me awhile to actually write about NPD. It’s been an incredibly gratifying experience. To the future! >clink<

    Like

    • Bemused says:

      Awe thank you 🙂 I’m not new to blogging but am new to wordpress. I’m quite liking their functions and feeling my way around…so far so good. I think I will feel more vulnerable laying out my own truths for myself to read then I will be about others reading them. I never heard about NPD before and between several blogs am learning quite a bit so thank you for that!

      Like

  2. kbailey374 says:

    I really love your pic, never give up something you can’t go a day without thinking about. Awesome!

    Like

  3. Hey there, I wanted to get to know you better, so I’ve been tripping around the roses. How is it you are willing to be so open, with us and not so with family/friends? I’m gald to meet ya, and you can call me Squatch. Thank you for following my patch of web, I appreciate it. I’ll come back later.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bemused says:

      Well… I was always there for my family no matter what. If they needed money, a place to live, a job, a babysitter. Completely loyal and would go to the ends of the earth for them.

      Every one of them let me down when I needed them ONE time, the most ever in my entire life. I had never asked for anything EVER.

      When I got sick I was told…

      SUCK IT UP

      YOU ARE NOT SICK

      DON”T TELL ANYONE YOU ARE ( cause OMG that would reflect badly on THEM)

      0 support and anything even muttered was with conditions and ulterior motives….matter of fact they went as far as sticking their noses in business that had nothing to do with them, screwed with my disability funding, verbally and mentally abused me. Even have people who threatened me with physical harm stalk me to get information on where I was.

      Until such time they apologize and learn how to respect boundaries I will have nothing to do with them. And…well that will be when hell freezes over. It’s been a long time 5+ years.

      That’s the short story 🙂

      Like

  4. Shannon says:

    Hi there. 🙂

    I’m still making my way around your blog, and have yet to see everything there is to see, but I wanted to say hello, anyway.

    I think I can absolutely understand how it can become easier to pour your heart out on your blog than to deal with people who aren’t supportive. I applaud you for writing about it, at least, because I’ve always felt that just bottling what you feel is a bad idea.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bemused says:

      I had to giggle reading your “About” section

      > I don’t wear make-up, I don’t like dresses.

      > I swear like a sailor

      >I’m frightfully sarcastic

      We have some things in common!~ 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Shannon says:

        I never could get into wearing make-up. I could always feel it too much on my face, particularly anything on or around my eyes!

        Looking forward to discovering what else we may have in common. 🙂

        Like

  5. La Sabrosona says:

    Hey quick question, did you get the pingback from the premio dardos that I nominated you for?

    Like

    • Bemused says:

      No what was it? Was supposed to a message?

      Like

      • La Sabrosona says:

        Oh shit…I hate that I’m so not technically inclined…ok well the post you liked earlier about the premio dardos…i thanked you for being a regular visitor and said if you want to accept the award you have to check out the “rules” link.

        Like

  6. Here you go my dear …a Creative Blogger Award for you
    http://gentlementalannie.com/2015/05/03/creative-blogger-award/
    Have a peaceful evening ❤
    Annie

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bemused says:

      Wow thank you! I guess I better get blogging. I’ve not been feeling great and lose enthusiasm for a bit 🙂

      Like

      • The energy to blog or do other things can rise and fall like waves.
        It is hard to write if we do not feel like it.

        Just go at your own pace and take care of yourself first.

        Oe thing I have learned recently is that if we do not take care of ourselves, no one will step in and do it for us. They will make demands that we do things for them, however no matter how much we are drowning.

        So, take care of yourself first. Dont be afraid to say “no” to people. They are certainly taking care of themselves first.

        Much love,
        Annie

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s