Bemused By Beleaguering is to be my journey in healing.
Bemuse: To cause to be bewildered, preoccupied, confused. So lost in thought as to be unaware of one’s surroundings.
Beleaguer: To exhaust with attacks, to overburden with troubles, to mentally beset from all sides persistently
I came up with this blog name because this is how I feel….never even saw it coming, all the deceit, backstabbing, meddling, complete chaos caused by those I once loved and trusted. My entire NORMAL life spiraled completely out of control. Truly it was like watching an Epic Soap-Opera.
Me well…Prior to Nov 2009 I ran a business with crew of up to 10 employees without a problem and had done so daily for 13 years. During that same period I had a min of 4 to 10 rescue dogs at my home to care for plus several long term volunteer positions including working in a Lock-Down dementia ward with one of my dogs doing Therapy work. I’ve always been considered bright, witty, knowledgeable, talented, definitely no fool.
Now I can’t recall where I parked my vehicle, what my debit card password is and sometimes I can’t get into my own computer. My post trauma memory is a disaster area and I can not retain most information. I have a terrible time with panic attacks brought on by contact with strangers, knocks on doors, vehicles that might pull in the driveway and such minor events.
I am estranged completely from my entire immediate family since August 2010 since they took part in destroying me. Pretty much I am alone in the world.
I’m an involuntary empath (have been since I was a child) which didn’t used to but now does complicate matters sometimes. I don’t have the ability to control my empathy at will and it doesn’t normally happen with people but happens with objects, animals and media. I do fortunately have the ability to “unload” feelings that do not belong to me but without the control of when or how it is projected onto me.
That’s enough “About” for now. I’m sure I will revise this section as I go and touch on some of these subjects more thoroughly in my posts.