Solo Holidays Suck

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My boarding buddy! Loveliest oldie to keep me company over the holidays. Isn’t she gorgeous? It snowed here on the 22nd and has stayed which really is unheard of. White Christmas! On the 23rd I got a call back from the advocates office who will help me with my PPMB paperwork on Jan 6th. Doctor appt Jan 8th and paperwork back in on the 13th ( 12th to be safe!)  I hate stress it shuts my normally-half functioning brain right off.

Dec 24th the entire building emptied and I was all alone here with the dog for a couple days. Mine was the only vehicle in the parking lot 😦 Watching people head off to their holiday parties and families is such a huge kick in the stomach. I miss those days but I refuse to settle for having people around who don’t care about my safety or feelings. Perhaps some day humility will overcome their egos but I will not hold my breath on that.

Thankfully I busied myself with baking ( busy but this is not a good thing for me to do weight wise) and on Christmas day as is my tradition to drink Baileys and coffee from the time I get up. I started that MANY years ago and it really is the only tradition I still do. I think it just eases my pain. A sweet surprise was one of my dog people had dropped me off a gift and my old-timer neighbor had dropped off a gift also so for the 1st time in many years I had a couple gifts to open Christmas morning.  One was a tea gift set and the other a neat bird house for out back. Very thoughtful of them!

Food, booze, gifts, a canine companion and the Lord of the Rings Triology pretty much sums up how I spent my time. On Christmas day I made a Ham dinner just for myself and shared with the dog 🙂  Quite late my elderly neighbor was dropped back off at home by his brother and popped over for a while. He was really wasted ( this is always a worry for me because he has a heart issue and has been in/out of hospital) . I let him in for a short while and made like I was calling it an early evening so I could get him back home before he was unable to walk…ugh. I adore him as he is really the only person who I have much contact with but the drinking is over the top for me. He has no “moderation” gene. He has drink until you fall down and that is it. SAD.

My boarding buddy goes home tomorrow and then I will be all alone here totally. My renter is gone home to his family and will not be back until the 2nd.  No plans of course for New Years unless one can call sulking alone a plan errr. Last year I spent it with my neighbor and my friend who lived upstairs but passed away in May 😦  Watching my unhealthy neighbor drink until he falls down all by myself doesn’t sound like much fun to me.

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About Bemused

Adult onset rapid cycling Bipolar II, PTSD, Agoraphobic, Social anxiety disorder...triggered by a Trauma in 2010. I am also estranged from my immediate family. Complete Dog-Nerd.
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3 Responses to Solo Holidays Suck

  1. Holiday parties are overrated anyway. Your car may be the only one in the parking lot – that means you’re the only SMART one of the whole building. Sit tight, one’s own company is always the best company to keep ❤

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  2. This touched close to home. I feel and share this holiday sadness. When the entire world is almost demanding cheerfulness, I can only find enough strength to smile and nod.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Shannon says:

    I’ve had an attitude towards the holidays several years running now, and frankly, am of the opinion that the over-abundance of cheer is, well, overwhelming. Three Christmas Eves ago, my dad had a heart attack, and every Christmas since then has been a sharp reminder that we’re lucky to still have him around. As for this year, as well, I had to leave my fiancé in England to return to the US on November 28, and I’ve been a sad, sad girl ever since. Bah humbug, I say!

    But in seriousness, the thoughtful gifts and spending the day consuming Bailey’s sounded nice. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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